Not all love stories...

How's everyone's week been.? It's been rough, between the nasty ass, cold-ass weather. Frankly. I've just been exhausted. I really haven't been running as much as I would like to. I've gotten a couple of small runs in. But nothing too exciting. I've started to do my nightly workouts again which is really good. I was lucky enough to hang out with my sister this week. She's such an amazing human being and I'm very very blessed to have her as my sister.

I'm still definitely looking for my weirdo, I'm sure he's out there somewhere, pushing on a door clearly labeled Pull.  Maybe one day we'll actually meet, who am I kidding... I'm destined to be the crazy cat lady with a shit ton of plants. Honestly, who is going to put up with me going UNSUPERVISED to a plant store and coming back with an ivy that is already large enough to take over a corner of my living room? Meh, what can ya do? I’m just going to chill on this lazy roller coaster of life and see what happens.

I've always been a champ at self isolation, even before self-isolation was the cool thing to be doing. This this means I am swimming in the single internet dating pool.. I have no shame in this, it's really hard for me to meet people as I generally work in a dark IT closet with no human contact. I love my job.

There's so many dangers of meeting complete strangers that you met off the internet. There's only so much a girl can do to protect herself. As much as we assume that everybody is a decent human being, it is my practice to specifically ask these gentlemen callers; if you will if they are a serial killer. #SorryMom... I've not had anybody say yes, so I think I'm doing pretty damn well for myself. Also everybody I've met have actually been themselves which is REAL nice. This is not always the case for everyone. There's always a really good chance that the person I'm conversing with is some super fucking creep and fucking who knows they might be trying to get the little bit of money that I have. Its not much and they ain't going to get it. 

Based off of the situation I find myself in, I felt it would be really fun to specifically tell my mom a story of internet dating. #ImFineMom #SorryMom, This brings me to Thomas Montgomery, a 47 year old New Hampshire man married with two kids. He had met TalHotBlond, an 18 year old in a chat room online. This is back when chat rooms were thing, are they a thing now? Shit, I haven't been in a chat room since I was maybe 13... Fuck I'm old. Tommy told this 18 year old named Jessi, that he was an Iraq war vet. Tommy and Jessi hit it off real good… so good that Jessi started to send erotic photos as gifts to him. NEVER A GOOD IDEA.... Anyone else remember chat rooms? 

Tommy was obsessed with the amount of attention he received from this Jessi. He went as far as bragging to his co-workers and friends about these exploitations of cyber sex with Jessi. However, no good thing lasts forever, #whyI'msingle. His wife eventually found out about his extramarital activities. Tommy’s wife, being a badass, sent Jessi a letter. This letter obviously explained that Thomas was married, had two kids and was definitely old enough to be her father...again he was fucking 47. Upon hearing this Jessi ended their relationship but she wasn't done quite yet... introducing, Brian Barrett, Thomas's 22 year old co-worker. Thomas and Brian pictured below:

When Thomas discovered that Brian was starting to get the attention from this 18 year old girl... That he had no fucking reason to be talking with in the beginning because dude…. that's your fucking daughter's age... the fuck is wrong with you. SO, Thomas went stupid jealous because that's what insecure middle-aged men do when they don't get their way. It's either that or they buy a fucking Porsche. Thomas started to send Jessi messages saying shit like “Brian will pay in blood” or you know imma get you, just stupid violent ass messages because he is a child. When Thomas heard that Brian was going to visit Jessi at her home in West Virginia (this meeting was canceled oh, last minute). Thomas decided that Brian had to die.Because that’s a normal, rational thought process.  On September 15th 2006 as Brian was chilling in his car. Thomas took a fucking a 30 caliber riffle and shot him sniper style.

The police soon discovered the love triangle and reached out to Jessi to advise her that hey man, you might be next. 

Picture this; cops roll up to this 18 year olds house. Knockity knock on the door, and this middle-aged woman by the name of Mary Shieler opens the door. Now, Mary had a daughter named Jessi, but Jessi had never heard of Thomas or Brian. But you know who had? That's fucking right, Mommy Dearest Mary. Turns out that Mary had been leading a double life of sorts playing both men at the same time, but posing as her daughter. Class act Mary- Keeping REAL classy.

Mary, however could not be charged with any crimes because she was not aware of the murder. She was just being a shady ass catfish. Which sadly is not illegal, shrug. However, they did catch Thomas, who was sentenced to 20 years in prison after a guilty plea.

Do not fret my dears, Mary (pictured above with the real Jessi) did not get out of this totally  unscathed. after this happened her husband, and her daughter Jessi abandoned her. So, this chick is in her own lonely little fishing catfishing world.

Well no relationship is ever perfect. As long as both people are who they say they are, I think they're starting out on a good page. The best we can all hope for, is finding somebody who has weird matches with your own weird. 

Don't worry Mom, I promise I'll keep asking strangers that I meet if they are a serial killer before I meet them. Isn’t it the rule that you have to tell somebody the truth if they ask you a direct question like that? Isn't that how it works? 

Until next time I Darlings. stay creepy and wash your fucking hands I want normal back